1. Be negative. All the time.
Men and women both deal with negativity a lot. It seems to me, though, that women have a greater capacity to endure it. You probably won’t notice, but if you’re constantly negative, he’ll completely shut you out. He won’t listen to anything you’re saying, and you will become little more than a live-in complainer-in-residence.
It is likely that he endures much negativity at work every day. Bosses complaining that his work doesn’t live up to their standards… coworkers complaining about their wives and jobs… finances (personal and business) looking bleak at best. After so much negativity, he becomes immune to it. He’ll just file away what you’re saying with every other depressing thing he’s heard today, and retreat to his inner, self-sustaining “man-zone” where he is the king of his own impenetrable emotional castle.
If you hope he’ll shut you out of his life, and ignore everything you say… be negative a lot. But if you want him to value his time with you, smile. Be positive as much as you can. Encourage him. Or you’ll lose him.
2. Solve his problems for him.
Many times, you’ll know exactly what he needs to do to solve his problem. But communicating this solution is nothing shy of a fine art – one which most women have not learned.
Men, in general, do not want you to solve their problems. They want you to side with them. If he is bearing his soul to you and pouring his emotions into you, the ABSOLUTE WORST THING YOU CAN DO is to minimize his problem by offering a quick, easy solution.
Has your husband ever said something like, “You just don’t understand…” or… “I don’t know why I tell you my problems…” or… “That’s easy for you to say…” OR does he even share his frustrations with you anymore? If any of those things are characteristic of your conversations or your marriage, then you are probably minimizing his problems by offering quick solutions.
Autonomy is essential to men. We like to solve our own problems. And if you constantly offer quick solutions to your husband’s Kilimanjaro-sized problems, he is slipping away from you fast.
3. Deny him in bed.
When men are rejected, they feel defeated. And I don’t know many men who will keep fighting the same battle that they have lost over, and over, and over again. If you constantly deny his advances in bed, he will stop advancing. He will be confused over the signals you send, and he will rather not have sex with you at all than be embarrassed by your refusal even one more time.
In every case (except for one) that I’ve encountered concerning the infidelity of a husband, he rates his sex life at a 1 or 2 out of ten. Of course, that does not give him an excuse to seek out personal physical pleasure elsewhere. But I’ll tell you what… If you want your husband to sleep with another woman, constantly deny him in bed. Works like a charm.
4. Nag him.
Sure, he hasn’t mowed the grass this week. Yes, the light bulb in the bathroom needs changing. There is a leak under the kitchen faucet. He’s known about all of these things for a week. And he still hasn’t done them.
If you want to lose your husband, make sure you tell him every day how difficult it has been for you to live in “this house” with all of “these problems.” Work these things in to every conversation. Have the kids hit him up about it.
Because us men are so prideful, the more you nag him about it, the less likely he is to get it done. He wants to accomplish those tasks not necessarily when it’s convenient, but rather, when they are on HIS WATCH. He will feel much more productive around the house if he is the one who sets his own schedule.
Sometimes, we forget. A simple reminder in a non-threatening tone-of-voice is okay once a week or so. But it is more likely to get done if you’ll mention it once and then let him decide when to fix it. What’s so strange about this is that if he notices you struggling to work around these unaccomplished tasks – instead of you constantly TELLING him how you are struggling – he will most likely be motivated to get things done for you. A wife in quiet deliberation tugs at the heart of a loving husband every time.
5. Override or undermine his instruction to the kids.
Kids… you would think they are always loving, and would do anything at all to encourage your relationship with your spouse. But you would be wrong. Children live in me-land. They are largely narcissistic. And when one parent tells them something they don’t want to hear, most of the time, they will ask the other parent and hope to get a different response. You don’t have to teach your children this. It is innate.
Because the husband/father depends heavily on respect in his home, it is imperative that the children respect their father. If they don’t he is left unfulfilled, and they grow up with a disastrous interpretation of the father’s role in a family. When the wife/mother overturns or undermines the husband/father’s instruction to the kids, he feels betrayed. If you disagree with your husband’s decision concerning your children, ALWAYS take it directly and exclusively to your husband. Your children need to see a unified front. And you will do more good for them by upholding your husband’s decisions than by disagreeing with him in front of them.
If you would like your husband to perceive a two-sided war between himself on the one side, and you with the kids on the other… go ahead and override or undermine his instruction. If you want him to regard you as an enemy rather than a partner, hook it up. And no doubt… the war will come. Except… there will be no winners. Only losers.
THINK ABOUT IT.
Grace and Peace,